Holiday Dip
At Thanksgiving, my husband told of a co-worker's reference to pervasive holiday depression. At that time, I pooh-poohed the myth, being elbow deep in happy kitchen preparations. We had a nice trip to KY, where we saw both daughters (plus a very diverting new puppy). Our travel home was made interesting by a bit of snow, but nothing too problematic. After we got home, anyway, I could regard it as just adding to the seasonal feel. I enjoyed seeing the early decorations touched with white. It was now "legal" to bring out the Christmas CDs, and to augment my somewhat tedious routines with shopping, wrapping, and burnished sentimentality. Bring it on!
I was unprepared for the almost immediate burden of regret that daughter #1 wouldn't be home for Christmas. Forget that it would be a practical impossibility this year. Acknowledge that she's unlikely to be all lonesome by herself. Recall that she's missed years before, and everything was ok. But emotions trump sensibility sometimes, and there it is. I'll miss her.
Futhermore, the anticipated busyness just wasn't that much fun. I know all about "the true meaning of Christmas." But however I cut it, memories only increased my melancholy. When I began to worry about soap opera characters in addition to my own loved ones, and to tear up at TV ads, it dawned on me. Here we are. Holiday Depression. Or is it? Is it memories, hopes deferred, world affairs, lack of daylight--or lack of dopamine? Like duh. I forgot to mention increased stiffness and shoulder pain, and occasionally increased tremors. So I upped my Sinemet from 2x day to 3x day. Seems to help. It also helps that our livingroom ceiling is newly painted, housecleaning and decorating is accomplished. I've finished reading Brother Andrew on murdered Christians, and I'm diverting myself with Michael Behe on intelligent design. And yesterday, we had the perfect Christmas Tree Day. Hubby and I ventured through the snow to a nearby tree farm, found a nice little spruce, and installed it with utmost efficiency. Twinkling lights chase looming truth away--for now. I've declared a moritorium on figuring everything else out till at least January 2.
I was unprepared for the almost immediate burden of regret that daughter #1 wouldn't be home for Christmas. Forget that it would be a practical impossibility this year. Acknowledge that she's unlikely to be all lonesome by herself. Recall that she's missed years before, and everything was ok. But emotions trump sensibility sometimes, and there it is. I'll miss her.
Futhermore, the anticipated busyness just wasn't that much fun. I know all about "the true meaning of Christmas." But however I cut it, memories only increased my melancholy. When I began to worry about soap opera characters in addition to my own loved ones, and to tear up at TV ads, it dawned on me. Here we are. Holiday Depression. Or is it? Is it memories, hopes deferred, world affairs, lack of daylight--or lack of dopamine? Like duh. I forgot to mention increased stiffness and shoulder pain, and occasionally increased tremors. So I upped my Sinemet from 2x day to 3x day. Seems to help. It also helps that our livingroom ceiling is newly painted, housecleaning and decorating is accomplished. I've finished reading Brother Andrew on murdered Christians, and I'm diverting myself with Michael Behe on intelligent design. And yesterday, we had the perfect Christmas Tree Day. Hubby and I ventured through the snow to a nearby tree farm, found a nice little spruce, and installed it with utmost efficiency. Twinkling lights chase looming truth away--for now. I've declared a moritorium on figuring everything else out till at least January 2.
4 Comments:
Goodness knows I've warned enough defendants that the "geographic cure" doesn't really work - but - if you want to beat the odds, you know sunny Texas would welcome you!
Usually don't leave cmts because at the end Google makes me jump hoops or passwords. Anyhoo. I agree as we? get older, Xmases don't seem to be very Merry anymore. Daughters living too far away, even older Mom's crying half the time, environment situation and loss of species. But Hey, not everyday is pink; this ain't Paradise. The daylight IS getting longer, and Spring and resurrection will definitely be here soon. BTW, you are the only other Google Blogger who mentioned Llewellyn's book as a fav. Merry Xmas, nostalgia and all.
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Lisa,
Excuse the expression, but I'll take a rain check on the Texas sunshine!
Bob K,
Thanks for taking the trouble to comment. I stopped by your blog. Love the plaid. I've liked Llewellyn since I read him in highschool. I recall writing an essay positing his book's superiority to Dickens' _Tale of Two Cities_. Though my teacher may have disagreed,(as most Brit Lit scholars would, I suppose) she gave me an A++++ so I guess I presented a pretty good case. Happy New Year. As you say, we can look forward to spring and resurrection.
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